Welcome to the weekend blitz for Elephant And Pinky Moon today I am here to entice you with an excerpt and a giveaway but before that here is what the book is about.
Twenty-eight-year-old Nina lives a quiet, unassuming life, happy (ish) with her job, maybe not quite as happy with her non-existent love-life (but who has everything) and content to trundle along with her nice, predictable daily routine.
That is, until her octogenarian grandmother talks Nina into accompanying her on holiday.
Nina envisages sedate walks along the promenade, afternoon naps by the pool, and bingo in the evening. What she actually gets is too much vodka, adult games of “pin the tail on the donkey” and dancing on a bar whilst flaunting her knickers – and that’s just her gran!
‘How old are you?’ Flossie asked him, polishing off the rest of the second carafe of wine. No one else had managed as much as a sip of the stuff, and Nina suspected the restaurant owners weren’t prepared to bring out any more for free.
‘Do you like older women?’
‘Er…’ The poor bloke was bewildered, and Nina didn’t blame him. Welcome to my world.
‘Not for me,’ Flossie said. ‘For her. I like my men with a bit more experience, but I doubt my granddaughter is too fussy.’
Nina flushed scarlet. How could Flossie do this to her? What was wrong with the woman; didn’t she have a filter on that mouth of hers? Dear lord, take me now before I do something we’ll both regret, Nina prayed.
‘Will. You. Stop. Trying. To. Set. Me. Up.’
As a collective, Hunk and Co were pissing themselves with laughter. No wonder, and Nina would be too, if she were in their shoes. One of them had his hands over his face, shoulders shaking, and odd snorting noises coming out of his nose.
‘Sorry guys,’ she said. ‘My Gran seems to think I need a man. I don’t.’
‘Oh, Nina love, you’re not a lesbian, are you? Not that I’ve got anything against them, you understand, but I want to see you get married and have babies.’
More snorting and lots of falling off their seats from the men around them.
Martin took a shuddering breath, his face bright red, and said, ‘You don’t need a man to have babies.’
Flossie sat up straighter in her chair. ‘I know very well where babies come from, young man, and the immaculate conception only happened once. My Nina is no virgin.’
‘Arrggg! Stop, you’ve gotta stop. I can’t take any more,’ Martin cried. The rest of his mates were unable to speak.
Nina wished Flossie couldn’t speak either, and if the old woman didn’t shut up, Nina was gonna make her.
‘Anyone got any gaffer tape?’ Nina asked, and it wasn’t a joke. She turned to Flossie. ‘One, a woman can get sperm from a donor, she doesn’t need to have a husband or a partner to have a baby. Two, women can marry other women, men can marry men. Three, I am not a lesbian, and if I was, it would be none of your business.’
Flossie thought for a moment. Hunk and Co waited with barely supressed excitement for the old woman’s next words.
They weren’t disappointed.
‘I have got this bit right though,’ her gran said. ‘You’re definitely not a virgin, are you?’
That Flossie sounds like a right character doesn’t she… if you want to read more then be sure to enter the giveaway to win…
If you’d like to know a bit more about the book then check out the other stops…
Lilac spends all her time writing, or reading, or thinking about writing or reading, often to the detriment of her day job, her family, and the housework. She apologises to her employer and her loved ones, but the house will simply have to deal with it!
She calls Worcester home, though she would prefer to call somewhere hot and sunny home, somewhere with a beach and cocktails and endless opportunities for snoozing in the sun…
When she isn’t hunched over a computer or dreaming about foreign shores, she enjoys creating strange, inedible dishes in the kitchen, accusing her daughter of stealing (she meant to say “borrowing”) her clothes, and fighting with her husband over whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher.