Day Three – One word inspiration
Secrets are like bricks, the more you have the heavier you become. They pile up and pile up until they crush you. Depending on the secret other people can get caught under the rubble as well.
Why do we keep things from each other? Is it because we are scared of how other people will react to it? Is it because we don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings? Or is it because having that thing that they don’t know about gives us a rush?
There isn’t a word for it, the simultaneous feeling of when your stomach drops out and your palms are sweating but you’re not scared, and you can feel the butterflies but you can’t jump up and down or make high-pitched unintelligible noises even though you’re excited.
Secrets are sensuous lovers that caress every inch of you and get you addicted to them and then make you terrified that they are going to leave. It is a moment that the two of you share and you don’t want the rest of the world to witness it. Why? Would it change how people perceive you? Would it make you feel bad about yourself? Are secrets just a self-conscious nature taken to extreme?
Everyone has secrets and everyone justifies them in different ways, but why do we keep them if it has a negative impact on others? A form of self-destruction perhaps or a form of self-perseverance, or wanting to grab hold of something so big but not knowing what that impact will be on you or on those around you.
Secrets can be fun, they can be sexy, they can shatter and they can be found. A found secret can feel like air under wings or the weight of buildings crashing down around you. Secrets bring madness, paranoia and anger; conversely they can bring happiness and laughter. There is a scale and we don’t always get to pick where ours will fall, it depends on if it is detected or disclosed and is held accountable by a biased party.
We still guard our hand though, as if it’s an ace about to be played, because you never know what the player across from you actually has until all the cards are dealt. It doesn’t really matter though, because ultimately we’ll still find ourselves back at the table with more cards, once we realise that we are missing that feeling. We will play on and bend the rules and the chips will land where they may. At the end of the day it’s all just an elaborate game, isn’t it?